IMO, "Being in a relationship" means...

...being with the person you love. Regardless of the ups and downs that it may bring.

Recently, my family and I went to this "dress-to-impress" party where clients from a certain company invited us to a fancy cocktail party. My family wanted me to dress "decently" in hopes for me to attract some guy that might someday become "the one". (rolls eyes) It's not really "me" to do things like that, but, sure! I'll humor you and do it... as long as I dress up "decently" in my own way! (Which I did. Hehehe.)

What I felt when I was there at the party, though, was suffocating... How mortifying it felt not reaching to the standards of "good looks" and the "attractive bod". How belittling it felt when others stood out with grandeur and poise, while I was standing with my brother drinking coffee in my casual wear, laughing at jokes he was making. Nope! Definitely not my crowd. I wasn't in my own skin. I wanted to go home even before the program started.

I talked about it to my sister the next day. I told her honestly that it was kind of getting lonely... I'm not getting any younger and it's just sad being totally relationship-less ever since birth! I told her that all the time at the party, he was on my mind all the time. She told me it was the loneliness speaking and that I shouldn't rush things. That being in a relationship has it ups and downs. The time will come...

But, that's just it! That's exactly it!, I told her.

I don't want to be in a relationship with just anyone, for the sake of just "being" in a relationship!

I want to be in a relationship with the person I love! I want to be together regardless if there is a freakin' title or not! I want to be together with or without the dates... with or without the presents or whatnot!

I just want to be with the person I love!

And the exact reason why I'm so down is because he will never know... I don't have the courage to say it... I don't want to tell him that might potentially ruin our friendship... He will never reciprocate... And when he finds his "the one" in the future, I'll be the best friend who'll just smile even though I'm dying every single freakin' day.

(slams head into keyboard)

Ugh. Kill me now.